Kissy Lips - Staff Christmas Partay

  • By Skin Goop
  • 19 Jan, 2020

“This grocery store staff Christmas party is, like, going to be amaze-balls!” thought Priscilla, smoothing her new dress in front of the mirror. “The cute guy from the produce department is going to, like, flip over my phat new dress!!!”

At the partay, Priscilla coyly positioned herself precisely (because her name was Priscilla, and that's, like, almost like the word precise, so she tended to do things, like, with precision) 1.3 meters from the mistletoe.

Priscilla got her Kissy Lips out of her schnazzizzle evening purse and applied COFFEE to her upper lip, and CREAMSICLE to the lower, so the cute boy from the produce department will have a nice variety when he smooches her, like, under the mistletoe (did you know mistletoe is NOT native to North America? It's an introduced, invasive species. Try using a small, fallen branch piece from a Douglas Fir instead, ja?)

She watched the partay action as she nervously sipped from her glass. “Bleh” she thought. “This tastes like Milk of Magnesia…. I wonder who… “There's the cute boy from, like, the produce department!” she shouted out loud, shocking everyone. She immediately realized she thought & acted with her OUTside voice in stead of her INside-the-head voice. How em-bare-ass-ing!!!

The cute boy from the produce department didn't hear what she had shouted, and headed straight towards Priscilla, smiling. “Oh my, like, stars!!” she smoothed her dress, “Here he comes!!!!”

As Priscilla smiled and batted her eyelashes at the cute boy from the produce department, her smile faltered as he walked right past her and planted a HUGE smoochola on, like, can you believe it??? The skanky girl from the bakery department. How can this be??!!!

Priscilla frantically searched the room for a weapon with which to attack the skanky girl from the bakery department. There! A giant creme puff will do. She grabbed it and jammed it into….her boss's face!!! The boss had been heading towards the food table and was right between Priscilla and the skanky girl from the bakery department; wrong place, wrong time, covered with a giant smooshed creme puff.

While filling out her form to collect E.I. Priscilla reflected on how great her lips felt from Kissy Lips AND how she hoped that both the cute guy from the produce department and the skanky girl from the bakery department came down with athlete's foot, or something equally egregious during the holiday season.


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