Deodorant: Danny the Deinonychus Stinks
- By Skin Goop
- 24 Jan, 2020
“Hey boss, what’s happening?” asked Frankie the Frilled Lizard. Sniff, sniff….”Hey, do you smell that?”
“RAAAAAAA!” answered Danny the Deinonychus, looking embarrassed.
“Oh, sorry boss. That’s coming from YOU isn’t it?”
An awkward silence descended between Frankie and Danny.
“Say boss, why don’t you try Skin Goop’s deodorant? You can even get REFILLS if you want to re-use a current stick container you have. Reducing waste is GREAT boss, am I right? I’ve been reusing MY stick container for about 5 years now” added Frankie.
“ROAR! ROOOORRRAAAH?” asked Danny.
“No, there’s NO coconut oil in Skin Goop’s deodorant. That stuff clogs your pores AND it might stain your shirts.” added Frankie.
“RARRRR” said Danny.
“Yeah, we don’t wear shirts do we? And no, there is no baking soda or diatomaceous earth in Skin Goop’s deodorant. As you know, baking soda is often used as a cleaner because it is mildly abrasive, it’s even in some toothpastes to get stains off your teeth! Diatomaceous earth is the silicaceous exoskeleton of dead little ocean creatures called diatoms. It’s commonly used in gardens to kill insects and pill bugs because it CUTS them, so they dehydrate and die. Those are things I sure wouldn’t want in MY armpits, would you?” asked Frankie.
“RARRAROOOOO” agreed Danny.
“AND, Skin Goop uses an enzyme from the same yeast used to ferment sugars (to create beer and wine, but not in Skin Goop’s deodorant). The enzyme breaks down the nitrogen in the sweat, so the naturally-occurring bacteria on your skin do not get a chance to feed on that nitrogen. They end up with no food, so they can’t create their stink-causing by-products. Isn’t that amazing boss?” explained Frankie.
“RAAAARRRR?” asked Danny.
“Oh, there are 2 scents to choose from; SPICY, which is a blend of tea tree essential oil, peppermint essential oil, dragon's blood fragrance oil, patchouli/cedarwood/cinnamon essential oil blend or CITRUS, which is rose petals fragrance oil, patchouli/cedarwood/cinnamon essential oil blend, lemongrass essential oil and lavender essential oil. Sometimes Skin Goop will do a custom blend, if you’re nice.”
“RRRRRAAAAA” said Danny, smiling. And boy, did THAT look weird; a Deinonychus smiling. Weird.