Zany stuff

Soap: Danny the dinosaur takes a bath in time for his doom!

“Hi there boss!” said Frankie, the Fringed Lizard. “I’m going down to the stream for a bath, wanna come too?” “RAAAAAAHHHHH!” said Danny the Deinonychus. “Great. I’ve got some soap made with local Water Buffalo tallow made by Skin Goop, in Comox.” “AAARRRRAAAARRRR!” replied Danny. “Oh, the fat was going to be thrown out, but Skin Goop rescued it and rendered it into tallow. They once kept track of all the time they spent on turning the fat into tallow, and it took a total of 30 hours.

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Swell & Super Duper Creams: Danny’s dinosaur skin needs cream!

“RRRAAAAARRRR!” said Danny the Deinonychus. “What’s that boss? You’re looking for a cream for your skin that is NOT greasy, is made locally AND it feels nice on your skin?” asked Frankie the Fringed Lizard. “RRRRARRR!” responded Danny. “How about this Swell cream OR the Super Duper cream from Skin Goop? They’ve got local, organic Water Buffalo tallow in it. The fat was rescued from being thrown out and it was rendered into tallow.

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Deodorant: Danny the Deinonychus Stinks

“Hey boss, what’s happening?” asked Frankie the Frilled Lizard. Sniff, sniff….”Hey, do you smell that?” “RAAAAAAA!” answered Danny the Deinonychus, looking embarrassed. “Oh, sorry boss. That’s coming from YOU isn’t it?” An awkward silence descended between Frankie and Danny. “Say boss, why don’t you try Skin Goop’s deodorant? You can even get REFILLS if you want to re-use a current stick container you have. Reducing waste is GREAT boss, am I right?

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Kissy Lips - Danny and Frankie

“Rar” roared Danny the Deinonychus. “Hey? What’s that boss? You roar that you went and got yourself some Kissy Lips?” asked Frankie, the fringed lizard. “Rar Rar!” added Danny. “Oh yeah. I know they use local, organic Water Buffalo tallow in it. It really makes the lip balm feel GREAT!” said Frankie. “Rar Rarrrrrrr RAR!” said Danny. “I see you got both flavors boss, coffee AND creamsicle. Smart move!

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Kissy Lips - Staff Christmas Partay

“This grocery store staff Christmas party is, like, going to be amaze-balls!” thought Priscilla, smoothing her new dress in front of the mirror. “The cute guy from the produce department is going to, like, flip over my phat new dress!!!” At the partay, Priscilla coyly positioned herself precisely (because her name was Priscilla, and that's, like, almost like the word precise, so she tended to do things, like, with precision) 1.

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Citrus Scrubby Soap - The Toilets Revolt

Darlene awoke to a strange sound. She poked her slumbering husband. “Dagwood! Dagwood! Wake up!” she whispered. “Heh? Who? Who’s Dagwood?” asked Jerry sleepily. “Errrrr…..” mumbled Darlene. “I think there’s a prowler in the house!” she said, pulling the duvet around her neck. “What are you….?” asked Jerry. “Shhhhh!” hissed Darlene. “Listen!!! It sounds like bolts coming undone….or something….hey, the floor boards….in the bathroom….they’re creaking! Someone’s in the ensuite Jerry!!!!” yelled Darlene diving under the duvet.

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Swell Cream - Crevices

“Hey Pat, I’m giving a talk to the local mountaineering group on the weekend.” “That’s great Kelly. I’m happy for you.” said Pat. “That cake you’re icing looks great, by the way”. “Thanks Pat! I’m also doing a hands-on demonstration, can you help me out?” asked Kelly while adding delicate roses to a 5-layered cake under construction. “Ah! You need help carrying in the carabiners and rope?” “Well, no. I want to show the group the dangers of crevices without the danger of going near a real crevice in snow, dig?

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Shampoo Bar - Pat's hair is FUBAR

“I regret to say I can’t come to the movies”, said Pat, regretfully. “Whazzup?” asked Kelly, questioningly. “Uh…my hair. It’s FUBAR” opined Pat (not knowing what ‘opined’ even means) “Your hair? On your head? All these years….” Kelly fell silent. “All these years what?!” demanded Pat, demandingly. “I thought that was nesting material on your noggin Pat. I truly thought you believed that one fine spring day, the Chickadees you love so much, would nest on your head….

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Deodorant - Stinky conductor

The conductor waited nervously in the wings while he was being introduced to the adoring fans in the audience. This would be the concert that would promote him to maestro of Carnegie Hall, guaranTEED!!! He tittered at the thought. “Those idiots at muzak school thought I'd be the conductor of a village community band forever. NOW look at me!” he thought, wiping his sweaty face with the extra large handkerchief his wife lovingly tucked into his conductor's pants.

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